my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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