When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
