I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize