You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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