can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
