Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
