thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it because I queefed?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
