I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
