My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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