My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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