i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
