So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
