I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
