I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
