hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
