You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
