my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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