those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
