Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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