could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
