Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to have your abortion
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
