69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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