I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
