I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
