I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My breasts were aching with rage.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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