lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
