this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she peed on how many people?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
is it fun? or sober?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
