i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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