My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
