Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
