May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
