just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
