Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize