First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
