Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
