Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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