If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize