if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
