u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
