We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am available for nakedness
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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