The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize