she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
