The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
