I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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