Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
