Can Purell be used as lube?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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