i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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