you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize