don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
