i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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