Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
