I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
