no, he came in my armpit
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
