she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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