You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Duck Duck Cougar?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
