the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
