my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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