Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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