Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
