I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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