there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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