how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My ATM looks so different sober.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize