i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
