This is not my ceiling
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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