when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
