thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
