why didn't you poke me back
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's shark week go big or go home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
