If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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